Repeat
by you-make-me-wander
Summary: For the pompt – Lydia starts becoming more and more depressed after 4x09 and tries calling the pack, but they were all busy, which leads her to breakdown. Eventually Stiles gets ahold of her and she doesn't sound like herself. The pack then races to find her.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N – I'm thinking of writing three, maybe four chapters for this fic. There'll be angst, hurt/comfort. Happy ending, though :) #WeAreReadyForStydia**

 **Chapter 1**

She decides to start counting the days, the number of days that pass by without talking to anyone from the pack, and she starts counting them right after the group gets back from Mexico. It's been 26 days. She's not even sure why she started doing it; it's a destructive thought, she's well aware of that, but Lydia just can't bring herself to care.

Ever since she and Stiles had that run-in with Brunski back at Eichen House, she hasn't laid eyes on him. Funny how she considered him as her best friend and she hasn't seen him in weeks. Things were already a bit shaken between the members of the pack during the whole Deadpool ordeal but really it's no one's fault, it's life's; Lydia understands that. But ever since Allison's death, things just don't feel quite the same anymore. It's like there's a part of them missing, a void in their lives they'll never fill in again. And even if the others seem to have found their own ways to move forward, Lydia just doesn't know how to.

She doesn't even understand why Stiles being away from her bugs her so much. So maybe she has a slight crush on him - no, _an infatuation_ is more likely. It shouldn't matter. It happens to people all the time, the feeling of being attracted to someone else, right? Hell, it had happened to her before so why does it bother her so much?

Lydia is startled by a beeping sound coming from her phone; no one has called her in weeks, so Lydia is quick to get her butt off her messy bed - her safe haven for the last few days - and get to the device. The sense of urgency that comes from longing for human contact for so long is so big that she doesn't even see who's calling, and the first thought that crosses her mind is that something bad must have happened; no one would call her otherwise.

Her voice comes out too weak, like she hasn't used it in days, and in truth she hasn't. "What happened?"

The question leaves her lips at the same time that her caller greets her with a cheerful "Hey, Lydia" closely followed by a confused "What? No, no. Nothing happened."

She takes a moment to put her heart at ease and even out her breathing because Stiles is calling her. Why is Stiles calling her? Lydia walks back to her bed and sits on the edge, her fidgety fingers finding her necklace to play with it while her other hand grips her phone as tight as she can, her eyes set on the wall in front of her. She stays silent, afraid of what to say next and not trusting her voice at all. Tears are already forming in her eyes and she feels as tired as she's ever been but she doesn't move, doesn't say a word. If afraid of what she might say or of what she might hear, she's not sure.

The boy glances at his alpha, who's sprawled on his bed lazily but paying attention to the conversation. "Lyds, are you there?"

Lydia takes a shaky, deep breath to try and calm her nerves. It does nothing. "Y- Yeah, I'm here." She clears her throat in a vain attempt of clearing her voice but she's still at a loss of words. She doesn't even know what she's supposed to say, what she wants to.

Stiles still seems oblivious to her struggles and continues enthusiastic, beaming at his best friend as if Lydia was right there. "Well, how are you? We haven't seen you in ages."

Lydia swallows, holding back her incessant need to roll her eyes and scream in frustration. When she speaks, her words could cut glass and Lydia couldn't care less about it; it's no one's fault that they're in this situation, she knows that, but it doesn't make it her fault either. She has a right to be upset. "I'm _fine_. Did you need something?"

The way she says it stirs something inside him and Stiles picks up on her mood immediately as her rasped words take him aback a little. Scott sits up promptly, alert too. It seems like it has been a lifetime since they last spoke. Why haven't they spoken lately? "No, not… I don't need anything. I just wanted to talk to you, I guess." Stiles scratches the back of his neck, suddenly fully aware of how he's been treating the banshee lately. No. _Not treating_ seems to be a more accurate expression. "So hmm... Do you have a minute? Can we talk?"

Lydia has lost count by now of how many times she's thought about this moment, how eager and afraid of it she has been, that someone would actually remember that she's there, that she exists, that she's part of the pack. Is she part of the pack still? Has she ever been? Her wandering thoughts only make her feel enraged, betrayed, sick to her stomach. Doubt is clouding her better judgement. "No."

"No?" he asks, surprised. "What do you mean, no?" Something's not right and whatever is going on with Lydia is only making him more nervous. "Am I interrupting something or….?"

One tear slowly rolls down her cheek and Lydia tries her best not to give in to the crying. If she starts crying, she's not stopping anytime soon. It's how it's been lately. She worries her lower lip but a sob escapes nonetheless and then there's nothing else she can do about it.

"Lydia?" Is she crying? Stiles looks at Scott confused, alarmed, looking for confirmation on what he heard. Scott nods silently and gets up from the bed to get closer to Stiles, to the phone, listening in more attentively. She tries, Lydia really tries to contain herself but she can't and she sobs again. As soon as he realizes what's happening, Stiles grabs his car keys and starts walking out of his room, gesturing for Scott to tag along. "Lydia, are you crying? Are you okay?"

She shakes her head even if he can't see her. "I have to go," she mumbles, panicking, sure that she just heard his keys jiggling.

"Don't, Lydia. I'm coming over and-"

"Bye, Stiles."

"No, wait. Lydia-"

She ends the call and throws her phone on her comforter, scared out of her mind. She doesn't want to see him. Why would she want to see him? Didn't she want to see him? Lydia groans furiously more at herself than at the boy, tears running more quickly now. She gets up from her bed abruptly and hushes to get dressed; the sooner she gets some fresh air, the better. Ready in less than five minutes – a new personal record for the banshee – she almost runs downstairs to her car, leaving her mom a note to let her know that she'll be out until sundown. Her phone is left behind.

As she drives to her special place, a spot she found days ago and the only place besides her room where she can feel at peace in this godforsaken town, Lydia's mind drifts elsewhere. She knows, deep down, why Stiles' distance is affecting her so much. Or rather, she thinks she does. Their connection runs deep, whatever that means, and it's taken its toll on her, mostly because she's the one who's alone. Lydia swallows her thoughts with a deep, deep breath, trying to focus on her driving. It's about half an hour until she gets to her special place and she wants to get there in one piece.

From time to time she thinks of Stiles and how freaked out he must be right now but she keeps those thoughts at bay, waiting until she can finally breakdown as she does once a day now. No need of worrying about him for now anyway. He'll never find her there.

 **A/N: This i** **s my new fic based on a prompt from** **stydia-fanfiction** **. I only posted it here now because I was waiting for them to post it on their tumblr, only I was expecting them to post it later rather than sooner. Either way, here it is. Like the others, I'll work on this one alternately in between the 3-4 fics I'll be focusing on the most from now on, so make sure to cast your vote on which of my fics are your favorites.**

 **To do so, go to "vote dot pollcode dot com slash 45769392" (I have no idea why I can't insert a freaking link here!). If you have any trouble getting to the poll to cast your vote, let me know!** **Thank you for your love and patience you cuties**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N – Remember that this is post S4 but before S5 :)**

 **Chapter 2**

"Scott, we have to find her."

They've been driving around Beacon Hills for over twenty minutes now, without any luck in finding their friend. The strawberry blonde is not picking up her phone – even Scott is mad at her for that. The members of the pack should _always_ have their phones on – and now her scent is leading them out of town.

They'd stopped by her house first to see if she was there, even if both Stiles and Scott believed that she wouldn't be after the strange phone call. Granted, her car was not there but nothing had seemed out of the ordinary either. Well, except for Lydia's emotions, the mixed scents throwing Scott completely off. Anger, resentment, frustration, sadness, grief… Everything was there, so clear now that Scott wonders why he hadn't noticed it all before.

"Maybe she just needs some time by herself," Scott says, regretting it the second his words are out of his mouth because he should have known about this.

"Or maybe she's in trouble. She could be in danger, Scott," Stiles remarks, reaching for his phone and calling the banshee again. He puts it on speaker and throws it to Scott's lap so that he can keep driving safely, Lydia's voice echoing through the silence to tell both boys that she can't take their call right now and that they can leave her a message after the beep for the umpteenth time. Scott, noticing how impatiently Stiles is tapping his fingers on the wheel, ends the call before his best friend can say something to her voicemail that he'll regret later.

Scott is worried about her too, but agreeing with Stiles right now is only gonna make his best friend more anxious. "Stiles, just calm down. We're gonna find her, alright?"

"You said so yourself, Scott. Her chemo signals were all messed up. I just- I need to find her, Scott. I have to." He glances briefly at his Alpha, concern all over his features. "I need to know that she's okay," he murmurs.

It's something they haven't discussed in a while, Stiles' feelings for Lydia. Ever since he started dating Malia, it has been untouched subject between them but Scott knows that said feelings haven't subsided in the slightest. They're just… _Dormant_.

Yeah, dormant might be a good way to describe it.

The human still cares for the banshee rather deeply, of course, but his attention has been diverted to his girlfriend lately, understandably, but not really excusably of how he's been threating Lydia for months. Thus why Stiles is feeling so guilty right now, for neglecting Lydia over Malia even if he didn't realize he was doing it.

Scott feels guilty too. They all had someone else to spend their time with except for Lydia, and neither Stiles nor Scott have been paying her enough attention. If they had, maybe she'd be okay right now.

Instead, Scott pushes himself up and through his open window again to try and track her scent.

xxxxxxxxxx

It's been twenty more minutes when they reach an abandoned building deep inside the woods, far away from the trails they usually find themselves into and already out of town. Stiles parks the Jeep as soon as he sees Lydia's blue Toyota behind a few trees and close to the entrance of the old house, heart in his throat. Looking around for her, there's no strawberry blonde hair standing out from the landscape. Not until he looks up to find Lydia sitting at the edge of the rooftop anyway.

His heart stops.

He can literally feel his heart stop and his whole world with it, because what the hell is she thinking?

He's about to scream for her when Scott abruptly places a hand on his chest to make him stop and explains to Stiles that Lydia must not have heard them coming, that she seems unmoving and that he can hear music. She must have headphones on.

"What if it's a fugue state?" Stiles asks, horrified at the idea of Lydia falling off of a three-story building. "Scott? What do we do?"

Thankfully, the Alpha thinks fast. Climbing to a tree nearby, Scott goes high enough until Lydia can see him wave at her and stops the music, her scents changing again.

Hesitation, sorrow, pain.

Scott signals her to get down but she doesn't move. "Go away, Scott," she yells, looking down to find Stiles directly below her. As if he'd ever catch her if she fell. "You too, Stiles. Just- Just go." _Especially you_.

They insist with her for almost five minutes, neither Stiles nor Scott wanting her out of their sight in case something happens. When they realize that she doesn't seem to want to get down anytime soon, they form a plan.

Lydia knows that that is what they're probably doing. She sees them exchange a few words by the Jeep and glancing furtively in her direction, and the next thing she knows, Stiles is making his way towards the building even when she screams at him again not to.

He pays her no mind.

Scott stays in her line of sight though, close enough to the wall where she's currently sitting on top of. If something were to happen, Lydia is sure that Scott could save her.

But not that it will.

When she murmurs " _Please, Scott. I can't… I can't talk to Stiles right now. Just go away_ ", she knows he can hear her, the same way she knows it's a lost cause. Stiles is coming up and Scott just shakes his head to confirm that they're not going anywhere.

Stiles, at least, isn't.

He reaches the rooftop soon enough, inhaling sharply when he gets a glimpse of Lydia sitting right on the edge, only this time up close. His voice comes out unsteady as Stiles slowly, carefully, approaches her. "Lydia?"

She doesn't turn around, doesn't make a move. If it wasn't for the deep breath he sees her take, Stiles would think she hadn't heard him at all. "Go away, Stiles. I don't want to talk to you."

She's still crying, he notices on her tone. It breaks his heart. "I'm not going anywhere, not without you." He gets no reply. "Lydia, please. Just- Just come here. Get away from there, okay? Slowly. You… You could fall-"

Lydia looks over her shoulder to face him and all he can focus on is the hurt in her eyes. "Oh, so now you care?" She gets up quickly, dexterously, and the only thing that Stiles can think of right then, before running towards her and reaching out, completely terrified that she might lose balance, is if Scott can hear how fast Stiles' heart is beating, because he's almost sure that it is about to rip out from his chest.

Much to his dismay, Lydia refrains from his touch, fresh tears rolling down her cheeks. "No. Just go away, Stiles." He doesn't listen and takes a step forward, making sure that she's within reach, just in case, shaking his head no. "Just because you finally realized something is wrong, it doesn't give you the right to come here and- And-" Lydia sobs, hating herself for this. He wasn't supposed to find out.

"Lets talk about it, okay?" he asks cautiously.

"No," Lydia whimpers, wiping her tears with her sleeve.

"Yes."

"No!"

"Scott!," Stiles yells in an assertive tone that startles Lydia, and she knows that whatever Stiles and Scott had planned, this is part of it.

Nothing happens, though. Lydia waits for Scott to come running to the rooftop to make her see reason or, at the very least, for him to climb the building like she's seen him do sometimes. Nothing happens for a while and she waits, eventually glancing at Stiles in confusion. Stiles doesn't say anything, just glares back, and it pains her the way she knows she's hurting him too.

She doesn't dwell in that thought for long - thankfully or not, she's not sure - because then she hears Stiles' Jeep roaring into life and the sound fading as Scott drives away. "Where… Where's he-"

"He's leaving," Stiles replies. "I'm staying."

Lydia gasps. "Stiles, don't…" she pleads with watery eyes, hiding her face in her hands after a moment.

He doesn't listen, of course, and lets her give in to the sobs and the low crying for a minute before reaching for her again. Surprisingly, Lydia lets him this time and he takes a few steps back with Lydia by the hand, away from danger, before he lets her cry on his chest. She doesn't refrain from doing it, letting her petite frame be wrapped by his comforting arms like she's wanted for so many weeks now. It doesn't stop her hurting, but it dulls the ache a little bit.

She's still Lydia, though. "This doesn't change anything," she mutters, stepping away from him when she's dry of tears and wiping her cheeks again before she crosses her arms at her chest, glaring at him defiantly.

He knows.

"I know."

It pains him to say so. "But Scott left and you're stuck here with me. So-"

"I could leave," she answers bitterly, cheeks bright red from the crying.

"You're not going without me." He seems resolute, confident enough that it makes her gulp. "Either we talk here or in your car or back home. Wherever it is, you're not getting rid of me until we talk. We're gonna talk, Lydia," he tells her. "Or if you don't want to, we'll just stay in silence for as long as it takes until you do. I don't care if it takes me all night. I… I don't know what's wrong, Lyds, but I can fix it. We can fix it! We can figure it out, just- Just tell me what's wrong. I need to know what's wrong."

There's a pause before he adds " _Please_ " with a broken voice.

Lydia can only have so much self-control of herself and his tone stirs something inside her, and she can easily tell that he means every word. Stiles has always been one to wear his emotions on his sleeve. But she's confused and emotional and frustrated. She's not sure if she wants to talk or what she wants to say, even if she should, so she storms by him without another word, heading for the stairs as she thinks of all her options, thinks hard on what she's gonna do to get herself out of this mess.

It eases her nerves to know that Stiles seems to get the hint, trailing close behind her in silence as they head downstairs.

 **A/N: Please review.**

 **Also, in case you missed it, I've updated "Blatant lies" and I've already posted the prologue to "A love for the ages", my Stydia Medieval AU. Go check them out and let me know what you think about both of them ^^**


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